I’ll never forget the day we took Justin “home” to our hotel, the first day we had him as ours…
We entered our hotel room, briefly stunned with the “what do we do now?” feeling. We all plopped down on the bed and stared at each other, aware that our lives had forever changed, but unsure what to do next. Justin was motionless and expressionless –and for a 15 month old, that is a significant anomaly! We showed him a few items –a pen, a water bottle, a toy… no response. Then Travis cracked open a container of Cheerios, showed them to Justin, ate one to demonstrate, and held one out to Justin…
What happened next I found sadly poignant. I heard Justin take a quick, deep breath in (the way you do when you suddenly see something you really want), and I saw his right forefinger twitch. But, he continued to sit motionless and expressionless.
He didn’t know us. He didn’t trust us. He didn’t know that we were his parents, the two people in all the world who were profoundly interested and concerned with his well-being, his safety, his health… with him.
He didn’t know that. He had no reason to believe that we had his best interest at heart, that we wanted him to reach out and grab the Cheerio and taste it, enjoy it. We were not being cruel –teasing him with something he could never have, or offering him something bad for him.
He didn’t know that. He didn’t trust us.
That scenario has played over and over in my head and has gotten me thinking… in what ways is that similar to the interaction between man and God? Or more specifically, between me and God?
Have there been instances when God has held something wonderful (better than a Cheerio!) out to me, something that makes me catch my breath, but all I am willing to do is twitch my finger in desire?!
Afraid to reach for it?
Unsure of the motives or intentions of the One offering it to me?
Do I not realize that He, above anyone, is profoundly interested and concerned about me? He is not a cruel trickster or sadist. His ways are right and good. Always.
Has it not been true that the more I get to know my Father, the more I trust Him, then the more eager I am to jump out and eagerly grasp the next thing He holds out to me? It may look strange, it may be unknown, but I know and trust the One holding it out to me.
So now I ask myself, what is God holding out to me, beckoning me to come and reach for? Am I twitching my finger in eager anticipation, but yet remain unwilling to reach out for it?
… Travis eventually placed the Cheerio into Justin’s mouth, and Justin ever so slightly chewed and swallowed. Each subsequent exchange, a gift offered and a gift received, grew less and less hesitant -more eager, more trusting, more anticipated.
And now today Justin is all too eager to let us know just what he wants!
You see, he knows and trusts us now.
